Sorry In Advance
by The Almighty Bonk
Summary: A story flies off the rails.


**Bold is the voice of the Author.**

_Italics are voldemort._

_Underscored Italics are Ronald Weasley._

Tom Marvolo Riddle, better known then as Lord Voldemort...

_Ahem, the full Acronym is "I Am Lord Voldemort._

**Yeah, I know that, but that's pretty stupid. Who uses "I Am" as part of their name?**

_-Shrug- Ask Rowling. What else am I supposed to do with the three extra letters?_

**Beats me. Anyway, we're getting off topic, here.**

_Sorry. Do continue._

**Thank you.**

Better known then as I Am Lord Voldemort...

_Smart arse..._

Awoke for the day. He rolled over and opened his eyes, smiling briefly...

_I do not smile. Ever. Well, there was that time in Boca Raton, but that's not really cannon, is it?_

**You've smiled in cannon. Shut up and go with it.**

_Whatever._

His eyes lit on the grinning face of...

_Wait, wait, wait. Who is in the bed with me? I Am...I mean...Lord Voldemort does not share a bed!_

Harry Potter,

_...What?_

Who's green eyes had been surveying the Dark Lord for some time now.

_No. Wait. Seriously. What?_

Harry gave a coy smile. "Morning Tom," he said, his lipid green orbs dancing with the early morning light.

_Hold on, hold on, HOLD ON! What the bloody hell is Harry F*****G Potter doing in MY bed, SMILING at me, and calling me by my FIRST NAME? And seriously, purple prose? Who are you, Stepheny Meyer?_

**Low blow, man. Low blow. I think you just insulted a bunch of the readers, to. **

_What the Twilight/Harry Potter fans and Crossers? They don't feel like real humans do._

**You're a d**k. You know that right?**

_Duh. Now, like I asked before, why is HARRY POTTER in my bed? In fact, why is he even within a mile of me? Wait. ... This is one of those stories, isn't it... You're a sick, sick man._

**Eh, I just with what sells, Voldie.**

_Don't call me that. Pervert._

**It's not like I enjoy it anymore than you do. My fan base needs some more people, and what better way than to toss in a nice slash.**

_Wait, isn't A Different Take going to-_

**SHUT UP. RIGHT NOW.**

_Touchy much?_

**Eat me. You've got some Harry Potter to fondle.**

_Sorry, but no. Not happening._

**Perhaps this would be better?**

Lord Voldemort reached out to place his hand on the shoulder of the one before him, who's flaming red hair was visible above the covers.

_Red hair? Wait, who was that? One second, I need to go bad and reread some of the books. -Stomps off to do just that.-_

Ron Weasley rolled over at the touch and smiled.

_Ron Weasley? Isn't he, like, I dunno, a tertiary character? What's he doing here? I don't think we have ever been mentioned in the same scene together. Not even in passing. _

_I'm just glad I'm not being turned into the arsehole for once. That was sh***y of you, by the way. I was Harry's best friend._

**You write a convincing Slytherin!Harry fic without an arsehole Ron. It doesn't work. It's either Arsehole-Malfoy Expy or simpering suck up.**

_Alright, fine, whatever._

_Where's my say in this?_

**You think you get 'say'? Who have you been working with?**

_Better authors than you..._

**My Immortal.**

_F**k you. I was drunk. _

**You gave Raven What'sits a GUN. **

_Really, really, really drunk. Either way, you want this kinda thing, go shop a picture of Daniel Radcliffe from that scene in Equus. I'm not doing this._

**Ok, so we're doing this the hard way...**

_Hard way?_

As Voldemort awoke, the first thing he realized was that he could not move in any direction. His arms were bound tightly, as were his legs.

_What the F**K?_

**You brought this on yourself.**

Above him stood none other than his most faithful servant. Bellatrix LeStrange held a riding crop in one hand, smacking it into the palm of the other. She looked down on the Dark Lord with glee.

_At least it's a girl...But BDSM? What Demographic are you going for here? The highly coveted Masochist/Closet Gay group? _

**Shut up, or I'll put a pony in the scene. **

_You've got to much free time..._

**And you're about to get raped by a horse.**

_Shutting up._

Throughout the mansion, Voldemort's screams could be heard. Of pain or pleasure, no one could never be sure.

_Wait, that's it? All this build up to a steamy sex scene and you turn it into a Lime? _

**Is that disappointment I detect?**

_No._

**That's what I thought. And I'm not going to ruin my reputation if I can help it. Your remark back there is going to cost me in readers, you know. **

_Oh please. You realized ADT has nearly over 200 Reviews. If, like, a tenth of the readers review, that means you've got something like 2000 readers world wide. Get off the pity potty. Why are you writing this anyway?_

**Because I'm bored, and I've got the Writer's Block on ADT. Maybe I shouldn't have said that...**

_Haha, writers block? On a CLIFFIE? Oh dude, you are sooo f****d. _

**Well, not, like, BAD writer's block, but I just can't find the motivation to try and sort out my ideas...**

_So, what you're saying is, is that this whole thing is basically a way of telling your readers that ADT might not update for awhile, namely until you get used to working an actual job for once (You lazy f**k) and get your rear in gear and start writing again._

**Yeah, but, like, a week, tops. Of course, when I do finally update, this message will be meaningless. **

_So why even post?_

**Because I think it's funny. If they don't like it, tough t*****s. **

_You're being really vulgar, you know._

**Yeah, and I'm going to lose more readers for working blue, but what are you going to do?**

_I dunno, you could, you know, go back and bleep out the curse words. _

**Yeah, but then there's the whole paradox thing where becasue I do, then you have no reason to say it later, and so I hve no reason to go back and bleep them and so forth and so on.**

_But you're the AUTHOR. Does it matter what you take out and leave in?_

**I prefer working within the confines of semi-realism.**

_You're arguing with a fictional character. _

**Good point. Ok, I'll go back nd bleep everything out.**

**...**

**Better?**

_Abso-f*****g-lutely._

**Hah, thought you could get one by me?**

_Not really. Why are we still talking? This post is getting out of hand. Like, waaaay out of hand._

**Good point. Let me just wrap this up...**

AN: So, there you have it. My boredom unveiled. I'm working as hard as I can on getting that next chapter up, I really am, just give me a few more days and I'll put it up. As for this being a hodgepodge post, I had the original idea, then it just kind of mutated out of control. Oh well. Hope it's funny, anyway.

_Very nice. What a good cop out..._

Get out of here, this is for the Author only.

_Ba-hahahaha. Later, floppy-wanded Dementor-buggerer._

Potter Puppet Pals is going to sue the pants off me. Thanks.


End file.
